QVC host: "What kinds of things are you using your new Dell for, Randy?"
Randy (caller): "Well, you know, personal things, like porno. LOTS of porno. These new Dells are great for porno."
Hey, at least he's being honest.
I'm not sure why this came as a shock to me. Actually, I'm not sure why I bothered typing that last sentence. Of course I don't like fat people. And I bet half of you are nodding your head and wondering "how the hell could he be so right??"
Of course, the other half of you think I'm a shallow judgemental bastard. Sure, this may or may not be true. And sure, it may or may not have to do with the fat kid who always stole my lunch in grade school. But before you go making assumptions about my biases, why don't you go and have a looksie at your own?
Slate Magazine has a pretty cool write up about the effectiveness of this test. Click on the link and choose your poison. You can test yourself on everything from racial and gender bias, all the way to whether you think objects should be considered harmless vs. weapons-grade.
You may be suprised with the results, you finger-pointing fatty-hater.
Things have been slow around here for a few reasons lately: the holidays, the self-imposed detoxification after imbibing for weeks on end, and, in my personal case, a Dell hard drive that decided that it had endured enough torture in its short life and ceased to live. Luckily I was able to salvage most of my data (I'll get to that in a minute), but it's always the little tedious things that make your life hell when something like this happens -- you know, reloading the software, the lost passwords, that collection of tranny porn...
Well, things are finally getting back to normal and I've managed to reload all the things I need to function (tranny porn notwithstanding). And I owe a lot to my good ol' Knoppix CD.
So, you wanna get your grubby little hands on a brand spanking new Xbox 360? I bet you do, lardass. And you better have $5,600 to shell out, as I just grabbed this screen shot from eBay of an auction with five minutes left for an Xbox 360 bundle.
So what else could you get for $5,600? A sweet 50 inch plasma TV? A Segway Scooter? Even a mail order bride from Russia?
As an IT geek by trade, I can't help but recognize the sheer brilliance of the IT Gigolo, a 34 year old systems engineer who had an epiphany: how cool would it be if he could fix computers in exchange for sexual favors from strange women? He placed an ad on Craigslist, and before you know it he had an overwhelming number of responses. I guess there are plenty of willing women out there with computer problems. Let's just hope for his sake that all the viruses he removes are the virtual kind.
Attention Netflix Customers! Everybody pay attention to your email from over the next month or two. You're about to be granted a special deal for one month! Due to a semi-class action suit regarding misleading advertising, Netflix is paying YOU the consumer reparations to the tune of one free month of 4-Disc NetFlix service!
Sounds great, right?
(courtesy of Sports Guy's World)
Continue reading "Beware: Another Potential NetFlix Subscription Hike!" »
Remember ten years ago when Netscape was one of the most dominant technology companies on the planet? Back in the days before Microsoft and AOL entered the picture, when surfing the web and using Netscape were one and the same? Well those days have long since passed, and it's kind of funny to think that Netscape limps along these days as a rather cheap looking web portal. So what the fuck does this have to do with anything? I dunno. But they've collected a top ten list to rule them all: the top ten list of top ten babe lists. Sound confusing? It is. While I can't necessarily agree with all the choices by any means, there are lots of photos, and that's a good thing.
As Apple continues to ship vast quantities of their new Video iPod, the race for selling adult content is well underway. But there is debate in the adult world as to whether or not iPod porn will take off and become a viable business. Says one porn king:
"I can't see anybody wanting to watch while they're sitting at the airport. I just don't see how it's going to be all that popular."True, but I'm sure there were plenty of skeptics five or six years ago who were saying the same thing about wanting to sit in front of a computer and watch a tiny 320x240 pixel video clip. And I'm sure a few people have made a little bit of money selling sweet smut online?
Or, could porting porn to handheld devices be a logical next step to an industry already bloated? Says Harvey Kaplan:
"The adult Internet marketplace hit a ceiling about two years back. I started looking for alternate ways to reach the same market -- this seemed the logical place to go."
It's finally Friday and time for the weekend to start. And what are most of us doing this weekend? That's right, drinking mass amounts of booze and getting our freak on.
Here's a site that that takes two of everyones favorite activities and experiments with them. The first experiment, What is the Ultimate Jell-O Shot?, will show you the perfect amount of vodka to use to maximize drunkenness while maintaining a usable Jell-O form.
The second experiment, How Many Condoms at Once?, explores (to the extreme) the joke about double wrapping it. Have a really safe weekend.
It was only a matter of time. In just a few short weeks, the Video iPod has managed to hit the market, sell a million videos on iTunes, and now it appears a killer app is on the way. If watching two-inch clips of Desperate Housewives' Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan aren't quite providing the titillation you were hoping for, fear not -- because an avalanche of Video iPod porn is on the way. According to this article from MSNBC, an online search engine called Guba has been quietly converting volumes of video porn for the iPod:
Beginning this month, Guba will convert video files from Usenet into the format used by the iPod, known as H.264. Apple CEO Steve Jobs launched the video-enabled iPod last month along with deals to sell downloadable music videos and TV shows."We can kid ourselves, but in the end it's probably porn that people want," said Guba chief executive Thomas McInerney. He noted that the site offers a "safe mode" to filter out adult content.
No matter what way you look at it, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PORN. The PC wasn't created out of the need for better bookkeeping; the internet wasn't born so that university researchers could easily share information; and the Video iPod sure as shit wasn't created so that we can watch Lost on a two inch TV.
Search engine preps porn for video iPod from MSNBC
One of the most annoying things about owning a Tivo for me lately has been the way that the networks are adjusting their schedules so that shows will run a minute or two past the hour or half hour, so that a show will end at 10:01pm. If you have a show that is supposed to record at 10:00, it won't due to that lousy fucking extra minute. The networks know this pisses us off, and they do it intentionally. Just a little annoying wrench tossed into Tivo's gears to say a friendly "Fuck you" for being able to fast forward through their shitty commercials.
This is especially a problem for me on Wednesday nights. ABC's Lost will air from 9:00 to 10:01pm, thus causing my Tivo to skip new episodes of South Park on Comedy Central at 10:00.
So I was happy to hear today that Tivo is fighting back with technology called Overlap Protection, built into the latest release of their software. With OP enabled, shows with a higher priority in your Season Pass manager will get priority, but will still start recording the overlapped show at 10:01pm.
Tivo 7.2.1 software update dissected with pictures (via Gizmodo)
You seen the link on ApeChild.com; you've gotten annoying spam emails offering free iPods, or free Dell desktops. So why believe any of this crap? That's a damn good question. I didn't believe it at first, but I still signed up for the slight chance that these offers may be real. Now I'm sitting here enjoying my brand new 20gb iPod that I received in the mail last week.
Jan 2005 Update : Over 10 apechild.com users have now gotten free gifts from these sites! Also, the new mini iMac and the iShuffle are now offered.
Feb 2005 Update : The new Playstation Portable (PSP) is now offered.
July 2005 Update : Recieved PSP, Dell 4700, & Mini Mac (awesome)
(click for larger photos)
(1/2005 Update! Here's proof of a free 17" flatscreen)
(2/2005 Update! Here's proof of a free photoipod)
If you haven't heard, web sites started to pop up this summer offering free things such as iPods, TV's, desktop computers, etc.... This wasn't anything new, however in the land of the blogs, rumors started that people were actually getting their free offers in the mail. Soon after, various news sources started to report on this new advertising model. After reading a Wired News article, I decided to try it out.
So how do you get your free iPod or other gift?
1. Sign up on one of the free offer sites. During the signup you are asked about various offers and surveys, all of which you can decline.
FreeVideoiPods (Apple's new 30 or 60gb video iPods!, just released 10/2005 [New!])
www.freeiPodNanos.com (Apple's new ultra thin, iPod with a color screen, just released 9/2005 [New!])
www.free360xbox.com (Pre-order your FREE Xbox 360 today - Wireless online gaming system / media center, to be released 11/2005 [New!])
www.freedigitalcameras.com (Choose between 5 different, badass 5-7mp digital cameras or a MiniDV Camcorder[New])
www.freeminimacs.com (Apple's brand new slick mini mac (80GB, 1.42Ghz PowerPC G4)! [New!])
www.freepsps.com
(The brand new PSP (Playstation Portable) from Sony [New!]
just released!)
www.freeipods.com (20gb ipod, ipod mini, or $250 iTunes gift certificate)
www.freephotoiPods.com (The brand new 40GB Apple iPod Photo)
www.freeipodshuffle.com (The Brand New Apple iPod Shuffle (1GB). Quick and easy to get! [New!])
www.freedesktoppc.com
(Get a new computer - choose between 2 Dells, a Gateway, a Compaq, a decked out gaming PC by Cyberpower or
(New : a Sony VAIO w/DVD-+R))
www.freeflatscreens.com (15-27 inch flat screen TV's or LCD monitors)
www.freedigitalcameras.com (Choose between 5 different 5-7mega pixel cameras New)
www.freehandbags.com (Get your lady a purse)
www.freegamingsystems.com (Don't have an X-Box, PS2, Gamecube, or Nintendo DS? Get one for free!)
www.freecondoms.com (Wrap it up for free!)
www.freepalms.com (Palm Tungsten T3, Tungsten C, or Zire 72)
www.pvps4free.com (4 different portable video players [40GB iPod photo included!])
www.dvrs4free.com (80 Tivo or 80 Hour ReplayTV )
www.cameras4free.com (4 Sony or Canon digital cameras to choose from )
2. After you are signed up, you must complete one of their affiliate offers and get credit for it.
Here are a few of the offers(bold=easiest to complete), what you have to do, and how long it takes to get credit:
Blockbuster Online (Must complete 2 week trial for $9.99, you will recieve credit in 1-3 days, best offer if you ask me)
InkBlvd (You must have a printer right? Order $30 in ink, get credit in 1-2 days, another great offer)
Columbia House DVD (Join the DVD clubs, get credit in 3-5 days)
GM Card (Easy and fast! Sign up for the card, get credit for your offer fast!)
Plus many other ones rumored to be quick
3. Get 5+ friends to also complete one of these offers.
4. After completing your requirements, you confirm your shipping address and place your order. Here's my time line of things happening:
8/2004 - Joined freeipods.com, completed my offer
9/20/2004 - 6 referrals all completed their offers (I only needed 5); my order was placed
9/23/2004 - Order status switched from "processing" to "sent to vendor"
10/20/2004 - It shipped (from Singapore)
10/26/2004 - FedEx dropped it off at my house
12/2004 - Recieved 17" flat screen monitor
1/2005 - Recieved 40 GB PhotoiPod
3/2005 - Recieved 1 gb iPodShuffle
5/2005 - Recieved Dell Dimension 4700 w/monitor
5/2005 - Recieved Mac Mini (awesome)
6/2005 - Recieved Sony PSP
So after very little effort of signing up and completing an offer, then waiting a few weeks, the idea of the "free gadget sites" quickly went from myth/scam to "F- Yea! It worked!"
Final Update Summer 2006:
Good luck trying any of these now, I think the pyramid has collasped. While we did work this for many free ipods (normal, minis, shuffles & videos), a few dells PCs, a few flat screen lcd and a few psps, I can't recommend trying this now. I think everyone that has participated in this offer has already and you'll be press to complete all your requirements. Also, they put a time limit on how long you have to complete your signups. On top of this, they are have a hard time sending all the items that people have already ordered. It was fun while it lasted.Straight out of the ApeChild.com review laboratories comes the late summer/fall gear report. This could be the start of a weekly ApeChild.com gear/gadget/gaming section, so we'll have to see how things go. If you have a product for review, contact us and maybe we'll let you send us free shit.
We here at ApeChild.com are no strangers to the
good old fashioned joy of watching television. Where once
I strongly rejected television and the popular culture that it
defined and represented, I have since fully embraced it.
Maybe it's because I'm older and wiser now, removed several
years from my hippie student mentality. Or maybe it's
because I'm a techie by trade. Or maybe it's because I can
finally afford the kickass TV and home theatre system that I
could only dream about while I was in college. Whatever
the reason, since I was introduced to TiVo, my very concept of
television has been flipped upside down, shoved headfirst into a
toilet, and then flushed like a giant super-swirly.
I won't bore everyone with an explanation or review of how TiVo works, as there are already plenty of resources out there for those interested in learning more about TiVo and other digital video recorders (DVRs). But to sum up the benefit of having a DVR like a TiVo, let me put it this way: when you do watch TV, you end up watching the shows you like without wasting all night searching for something good. Channel surfing has all but been eliminated from my living room. And you NEVER have to worry about missing a new episode of The Simpsons because you couldn't make it home from that barbecue in time; when you get back, Bart, Homer and the gang will be right there waiting for you.
So, without further hesitation, we present our recommendations for worthwhile watching, whether you have a TiVo or not.
ApeMaster's Picks:
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Monster
Garage Watch Jesse James and his revolving team of designers, mechanics, welders, and engineers as they transform ordinary cars into monster machines. The machines they build are sweet, such as a hot dog cart-turned-dragster, or a Porsche-turned-golf ball collector. You have to see it to believe it. |
 Mondays 8:00 PM ET |
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American Chopper Quite possibly the best reality show on television, Discovery's 'Chopper' follows the adventures of the Teutul's, a father and son team who run Orange County Choppers in Rock Tavern, NY, building amazing custom choppers. |
Mondays 10:00 PM ET |
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Surf
Girls Surf Girls is a shameless opportunity to watch a dozen or so 18 to 22 year-old hotties prancing around the beach in their bikinis. I guess they also surf or something. The actual show is lame, but whenever I start watching, I find it difficult to change the channel. |
 Mondays 10:30 PM ET |
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24 24 is quite possibly the best spy thriller on television, creating suspense like few other shows can provide. Not only is it highly addictive, but it provides a wide array of hot chicks to feast your eyes on. Kiefer Sutherland is an exceptional actor, and the show's unconventional yet innovative format (each episode takes place in the course of one hour out of a 24 hour day--get it?) has bended the rules of traditional TV. One warning though: try watching this through the entire season, or you might find yourself scratching your big, nasty head. |
 Tuesdays 9:00 PM ET |
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Crank
Yankers Who would have thought that the juvenile act of making prank phone calls could still be this funny? Throw in some wonderfully produced puppets, some popular comedians making the calls, and a catchy jingle, and you've got a hit! If you've still got that inner eight-year old inside you, you'll love Crank Yankers. |
 Tuesdays 10:00 PM ET |
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That
70's Show I admit to being a fan of this show. I'm not really sure why, but I like it. In addition to the hot babes and stoner jokes, the show has an enduring appeal in its nostalgic use of high school pranks. Thank God the kids finally graduated. And aside from Homer Simpson, Red Forman is possibly the funniest dad on TV. |
Wednesdays 8:00 PM ET |
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South
Park There isn't much that needs to be said about South Park, other than the fact that the show and its creators continue to push the limits of common decency while still being on of the most hilarious TV shows ever. If you haven't yet see South Park, you've been living under a rock. |
Wednesdays 10:00 PM ET |
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Modern
Marvels |
 Wednesdays 10:00 PM ET |
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Chappelle's
Show One of the best new comedies of the season is the sketch-heavy Chappelle's Show on Comedy Central. Dave Chappelle is a true genius, and some of his characters and skits will become legendary as long as the show doesn't piss off too many people and get axed. The hysterical race-themed humor and the slick production quality of his parodies can't be beat. |
Wednesdays 10:30 PM ET |
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Scrubs Scrubs is one of the most hilarious new sitcoms in years, and I have become a big fan. The show centers around the unusual experiences of a group of medical students, their crazy mentors, and their days in the hospital. What I like about the show, other than hottie Sarah Chalke, is its dark humor and unique style; I used to think this was another boring ER-type drama until I watched it for the first time, and I was hooked. |
 Thursdays 8:30 PM ET |
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Insomniac
with Dave Attell Follow Dave Attell around as he gets drunk and explores the nightlife of new cities each week, bumping into all kinds of interesting people in the process. What I like about the show is that you get a bullshit-free glimpse of a city's nightlife from many different perspectives, unlike the more glamorous slant of cheesier shows like E's Wild On. |
Thursdays 10:00 PM ET |
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COPS What's not to love about this long running series that started the reality genre? There's something so fundamental about watching white trash wife-beaters, crank dealers, and wrinkly old whores getting their asses kicked by the men and women of law enforcement. It's a classic! |
Saturdays 8:00 PM ET |
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Saturday
Night Live Despite its ups & downs, SNL has been an institution on Saturday evenings for nearly 30 years, and still remains as popular and funny as ever. And the best thing about TiVo is that you can catch all of the SNL episodes even if you're out on the town getting your drink on and your stank on. |
Saturdays 11:30 PM ET |
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The
Simpsons |
Sundays 8:00 PM ET |
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Alias |
 Sundays 9:00 PM ET |
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The
Sopranos |
 Sundays 9:00 PM ET |
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The
Man Show Simply put, The Man Show is the celebration of being a guy. It's a time and a place where men can scratch their groins, stare at gigantic tits, and laugh at fart jokes. What more could a guy want? Sadly, the show is ending after four seasons and thousands of bouncing boobs on trampolines so that the show's hosts and creators can pursue other opportunities. |
Sundays 10:00 PM ET |
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Jackass Like Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix, and Jim Morrison, the legacy of Jackass will be that of greatness bogged down in controversy. In a few short years, Jackass redefined shock comedy with outrageous stunts, hidden camera tricks, and other unspeakable pranks. These guys did all the sophomoric things that every man has thought about doing but never had the balls to do. The show may be gone, but we will have plenty of reruns to keep us happy for the time to come. |
Sundays 10:30 PM ET |
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The
Daily Show The Daily Show's hysterical formula of tongue-in-cheek news satire, amazingly talented 'correspondents', and a unique outlook on the world make this one of my favorite nightly shows. Some of the show's popular news-magazine-style parodies simply have to be seen to be believed. |
Weekdays 11:00 PM ET |
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The
Screen Savers As a techie by trade, I'm a huge fan of TechTV. The Screen Savers is the technology network's flagship live show featuring tech news, tips, interviews, and other hot technology topics. And every Thursday is LAN party day! Woohoo! |
 Weekdays 7:00 PM ET |
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X-Play Another great show from TechTV, X-Play will likely appeal to non-geeks for two reasons: first, the show's co-host Morgan Webb is the hottest nerd on the planet; and secondly, the show is entirely about video games. And everyone loves video games, right? Their game reviews are some of the best in the biz. |
Weekdays 11:30 PM ET |
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There has been a buzz all summer long over the Mac ad on TV featuring the stoner chick-turned-pop-culture icon Ellen Feiss. With a cult-like following of nerdy webmasters scrambling to get more information about her, Ellen has become the largest internet celebrity since the Tourist Guy. For those of you who haven't seen the ad on TV, click here to see the clip at Apple.com.
So what's the appeal with this babbling, stoned-out-of-her-head Mac lover? Maybe it's because she just seems normal. Maybe she reminds you of that stoner chick from college you once hooked up with. Perhaps we just like seeing people stupid and high on national TV. In any case, I decided to pull out Photoshop and have a little fun with those Mac switch ads:
For those of you still puzzled about Ellen's appeal, you need to look no further than the flurry of media attention and fan sites that have sprung up (heh heh) all over the internet. Here are just a few places to help jump on the Ellen bandwagon, even if you are jumping on late:
There are some hilarious 'Switch' spoofs out there, some of which I've mentioned here in the past. One of our favorites, naturally, has got to be this one.
And lastly, I feel the urge to comment on the Mac TV ads: they're absolutely gay. Anyone who switches from their PC to one of those fruity Tangerine colored iMacs so that they can have a matching colored MP3 player and PDA is pathetic. Forget about right-clicking, playing games, or swapping out a processor. Any true geek can build his own computer. A Mac user? They're lucky if they can color-code their iMac with their panties.
| Please select a rating to continue reading 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 HOT! |
This isn't really a story of any sort, it's more of an informative review of one of the greatest uses of this whole internet thing people are talking about. In this article I will review the major 'rating' sites on the internet. These rating sites allow people to post a picture of themselves to the website so thousands of others can rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. Sometimes you feel sorry for the people that get trashed with like ratings of 2, but it's still pretty damn funny. I hope that by reading this you don't have to waste your time searching for a good rating site, your time would be much better wasted by actually rating people.
Let's start out with the grandfather of the rating sites, www.HotOrNot.com.
As far as I know this site started the whole rating revolution. Hosted at
RackSpace.com, this site
receives so much traffic that RackSpace uses the site as a major advertisement for them. "Over 1 Billion votes counted and 1,800,000 photos submitted. " HotOrNot.com is
probably the cleanest and most respectable of the ranking sites; as the site says "Please help keep this site FUN, CLEAN, and REAL." This is one of the few ranking sites I'd say is safe to view at work, or around respectable people.
The next site I want to discuss is www.WhosHottest.com.
This site is my personal favorite, and relatively new to the scene. I imagine that they saw how well hotornot was doing and decided to copy the
idea - adding in some more
functionally. What makes WhosHottest.com stand above the rest is the the ability to rate people in different
categories. Some example categories include age groups, sexual preferences
(lesbian couples included), ethnic backgrounds, body parts, and interests such as gothic or rave crowds. I highly recommend checking this site out.
If you visit the site, check out the latest category listed at the very bottom of the page, the link is a single period, the
category is 'Banned from WhosHottest.com'.
www.FlashYourRack.com was just introduced to me recently. I would say it's a clean site, but it's a great idea and man are there some sites to see. If you visit here be sure to check out the top 25.
Moving on the the sleazy side of things there is www.BabeRank.com. This site holds nothing back. I 'm not really sure if it's real user submitted photos, or some front for a porn site. Nevertheless, it is entertaining to test their motto 'anything goes...'
Everyone loves mullets right? Check out www.RateMyMullet.com to rate your favorite.
I'm not going to review these sites - they don't stand out above the rest and they don't offer anything unusual, but here are some more links :
www.RankPeople.com,
www.Bangable.com,
www.Tasveer.com. For a
comprehensive list of people-ranking sites, check out Yahoo's
directory of similar sites. As you'll see, this particular
genre of sites has exploded in the past year.
So that's it, go check them out, rate people, put your picture up, I don't care. If you are wondering, I was rated .05!
